Notes of Anticipation

The montage opens up with an out of focus shot of a city
A couple strolls in the rain.
They chat over coffee. They've been together a while.
The two go home together
and spend the night as is their habit
the next morning is pale and sweet
She wakes up first, in patterns of sunlight
and walks to the window
He wakes up in her shadow
and they meander to the lake.
On the way she spots a black bird that reminds her of Sylvia Plath's Black Rook
She chases after him and his whole flock swarms into the sky.
Months pass that way. They stay together.
Only something changes infinitesimally
a second heartbeat joins her own
and she worries about the timing.
As they shower he reassures her
and she listens.
Months go by and her stomach swells.
At night, she begins dreaming of the raven she chased.
But the raven in her dreams is dead.
Her child panics inside her
She wakes up startled most nights
The dreams won't stop
She showers often to wash away the feeling of dread but some things don't come out with soap and hot water.
She feels a sharp pull in her abdomen and
her eyes widen
as she clutches her belly.
In the hospital
they tell her she is minus one heart beat.
She pulls the hospital blankets up over herself like it will hide the loss
her partner is distraught
Days later they release her and her husband finds her stairing vacantly sitting in her hospital gown
that night she sobs in the bathtub
her partner can only offer his company
She lies borderline catatonic on the couch for hours and stares at animal fetuses in jars
It's been years since the trip to the hosptial.
She sleeps all day plagued by nightmares of the raven
She begins to hallucinate in the shower;
a woman, a duplicate of herself. Distorted and crazed.
she recoils
but one can only take so much torment in one lifetime
She immerses herself in the water and her doppleganger disappears.
She's thankful for the relief after months of suffering.
He finds her that way hours later.
She didn't come back up.